Going? Staying?

 I'm pretty sure I posted this picture before but it is exactly right, an Ugly truth that maybe when you think about it ends up not being so ugly.

My ending quote, one from Chris Rock "If you haven't contemplated murder, you ain't been in love."

Inspiration for the day

"I have faith that God will show you the answer. But you have to understand that sometimes it takes a while to be able to recognize what God wants you to do. That's how it often is. God's voice is usually nothing more than a whisper, and you have to listen very carefully to hear it. But other times, in those rarest of moments, the answer is obvious and rings as loud as a church bell." 
-Nicholas Sparks: The Last Song

Symbolism at it's finest

(I will admit I took this off FB but i got right off
and didn't bother looking in my news feed)

Hello blogging world we meet again. And that could become more frequent in at least these next two days. With everything going on  I decided it be best to take a few days away from Facebook, to hold true to this I need to find something to keep my attention. I'm not sure if it's because of the things going on that while reflecting this weekend I see symbolism in everything I do or if its just fate. So let's recap. I'll finally just say it.. a relationship is finally over and it's not easy for me, I don't know what exactly to think or feel.  It was big, one day maybe I'll share the relationship with the blogging world because when it was good it was more then good. So last night bored out of my mind and trying to stay busy I text some friends and made plans. Hanging out with one friend turned into hanging out with two more. We went to the Relay For Life, took a few laps (somehow I spotted luminaries for my grandparents out of everyone), shared a few laughs, and gossiped of course and headed back to my friend's house. The plan was to play Just Dance and then my OSU Party friend brought out a game that she had played at school. It's called Quelf and can I just say BEST game ever. Now I don't really know how to explain this game other then you draw cards (there are like 5 different kinds with different categories) and you simply do what the card says..sounds boring but let me tell you I had to talk in a Darth Vader voice every time it was my friend's turn talking about the dark side, I did a belly dance. Had my hair messed up by all my friend's(of course they got to move spots if they messed it up), and had fun. Now this is my second encounter with symbolism this weekend because normally I wouldn't just let go like that and act crazy, I mean I have fun with my friends all the time but i never act this crazy. It's safe to say I had fun.
After getting home after 2 am I was pooped and yet I don't think I slept at all last night I was up at 6:30 and laid there going over everything that had happened the past few days..the past two years. And I cried. Like a baby actually. The past couple of days I've been urged not to cry and I've been holding it back a lot. This is why my first Ugly Truth comes that crying may look ugly and sound it (we all know that uuuuhhhh sound and shiver your body gets when you're trying to stop crying but you can't because you're crying so hard.) but it's totally ok and human to do. So after laying in bed crying for what seemed like a very long time I decided I needed to get up and do something. I got up, put some shorts on, grabbed my old ipod with old music I had from before this relationship and headed to the reservoir. It looked like it was going to storm but it was nice and breezy and i needed out.  In a way I guess it did storm because while I was there I think I let out every emotion that I had been feeling the past few days. You name it I probably felt it. And so in a way it did rain. While running/ walking a few things happened.
1. Every single person I passed while running or walking, said hello or good morning even if they had music in, which made my day.
2. Every song seemed to have some form of symbolism. Here's what played:
 a. Dangerous- Akon. (Seemed so fitting for this girl who started out walking/running the reservoir with a mission)
b.All Around me-Flyleaf (Need I explain this)
c. All over you-Spill Canvas
d.Almost lover-Fine Frenzy
3. I even felt fear and running from it. At one point I passed a flock of Geese. They were hissing. I ran like the wind enough said.
4. When I got into my car I heard this song...
"Love Don't Run"-Steve Holy
This is gonna hurt, this is gonna hurt like hell
This is gonna damn near kill me, sometimes the truth aint easy
I know that you’re scared of telling me something
I don’t wanna hear, but baby believe that
I’m not leaving, you couldn’t give me one good reason


yeah and after that I bawled and then Somewhere with You came on by Kenny Chesney. I don't exactly know what all of this means I'm still confused and still hurt(another Ugly truth) but I know that in the end it will be ok, if it's not ok it's not the end. I am refusing to accept anything less for myself

Ain't sunshine..

For the past couple of days my pessimistic side has been reappearing. When someone you love walks out of your life its never an easy thing or a good feeling. From my last post it was clear that someone in my life has taken that step and all I could think was they are completely gone. This person has said that they want to still be friends but my problem "lies"(fear) in going from lover to friend. I was mad and angry at this person and I have been taking personal stabs at them with things I knew would upset them. Unfortunately, I got the stabs right back. I'm not saying what I did was by any means right because it wasn't I realize I acted kinda like a bully in this situation. I apologize to that person for acting immature in a situation that maybe they were trying to make easier? However I know there are things that happened that should make the roles reverse. I've learned a lot from this and maybe the not so Ugly truth is that when someone walks out of your life or part way out it only makes you stronger. Lately I've learned that things happen for a reason and although the reason may not be clear it will become that way. I've also learned that people change and this is a big one. They may change in ways you see and ways you can't exactly see. Don't put the blinders on, listen and really watch what they are saying. And all my blogger friends enough about my situation I stumbled upon this and loved it, if this doesn't make you smile I don't know what will
http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/1GiTJu/ellen.warnerbros.com/2011/05/sadie_and_a_baby_0524.php

letting go.

Lately I have found myself not wanting to blog due to other distractions. A lot has been going on in the past week or so and I'm learning one of life's ugly truths. People walk in and out of your life. Now I've never been good at this type of situation, it seems to happen often in my life. Now i find a certain person walking out of my life and truth be told I don't know how to feel or act. I don't know if I'm supposed to run after them or watch them go. Because this hasn't been the first time this has happened I find myself thinking don't run after them if they were meant to be in your life they will find a way back into it. And so blogger friends heres my advice with this ugly truth as hard as it is to swallow. Let it go. If it was meant to be there it will find its way back and either way happiness will come back into your life. It may not be that exact minute because it will hurt for a while but happiness will come and when it does you'll know it.

Inspiration

So since it has been days since I last updated this i thought I would quickly give some inspiration because frankly I need it and I'm sure someone else out there does too..
‎"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together." 
— Marilyn Monroe

(Image found on google)

And here's to posting more post soon!

Scarred for life

Absolutely love this one!!!

So since my last post was unlegit because the internet pooped in the middle of the post, then I couldn't remember everything I had to say, here's a legit post on what seems to be on my mind a lot lately. Tattoos. I've never really been a fan of them, I've always thought why in the world would you do that to yourself? Then here I find myself thinking I want one.  Of course my thought of having one isn't one thats small it's one that could honestly be quite large. I find myself wanting one that goes up my side. EEKK! When I think about it, I find it to be a logical place on my side-going to be a teacher..can be hidden. The inner girl in me shrieks "don't do it, don't! PAIN PAIN PAIN" and yet I don't know if it's my age but I find another part of myself screaming "You only live once." So thinking more about this I brought the topic up to my mom, I laughed as I asked her because I was expecting the "don't do that, it will hurt," logical talk that mothers give. Instead her reply was "That would be cute, and you could hide it easily." Which not gonna lie kinda made me want it all the more.  So as I sit and ponder and will probably still be pondering the idea  a year from now I'm pretty sure if I ever get it the Ugly Truth will be beauty is pain. hahaha So the ? is what to do.

This neat but not for me too big

The post with a random title

This is actually from the other day when my internet suddenly stopped working..
Since I haven't blogged in a while and since i do have an interesting post to post about later but have no time, seeing how work calls in about 45 mins. I decided I would do a quick list of things I love and things I want.Ready Set GO!

1. I love Disney which is why... I want to be a Disney princess..yep I said it and I would be a great Disney princess... I have dark hair (perfect Belle? I think so! I love the color yellow..<same as her dress..> or Pocahontas, or I could pull off Giselle from Enchanted.."How does she know" yeah thats right not to toot my own horn but I can be a beast at that song and the little movements, Just ask my family.

2. My family has bets or did that when I am off and on my own I would pick a big city..New York City perhaps?? Well in that case.. Hello Sex and the City. I would love the box set of all the seasons plus the 2 movies.

3. My bracelet that one day I would loved for it to be filled.(Each bead meaning something different) I love the sparklyness (is that a word?) of it. It's sooo me:)

After coming to this post after not having internet for 2 days (eek) I have decided I love the internet it's what keeps me connected to the major thing I love: My family and friends.
As it approaches 11:15 p.m. and having taken a Benadryl to help an allergic reaction I have decided I must post a more legit post later.